It can be tough to make good money as a novelist these days. Heck, it’s tough just to make it on the bookstore shelves! But I have the key to success and it can be done in three easy steps!
Step 1: Write a novel.
It really doesn’t matter what you write about, just so long as you have some vampires or angels kissing in it. Also, make sure you write at least three books at the same time. That is Key. No one in Hollywood is interested in the film rights unless they can sell it to the studio as a trilogy. The key word here is FRANCHISE. You are not here to entertain. You are here to make money.
Step 2: Now that we have the boring first step out of the way. (Eugh, so many words. Writing a novel is annoyingly time consuming) Now it is time to move on to a more important part: Choose a title for your book.
This step is surprisingly simple. Again, like step 1, It doesn’t really matter what it is so long as the title is short and has some mystical element to it. Examples include: Creatures, Candlelight, Banished, Angelfire, Shadows, Potion, Dark Princess, Dark Sun, Dark Love, Dark Monkey, any title with the word “Dark” in it works well.
Step 3: Create an eye catching cover.
Creating a cover for your book is the most important part. It is very important for your book to stand out from all the other books on the store shelf and catch the eye, HOWEVER there are some hard-and-fast rules you MUST follow if you want to become a successful novelist. The cover must be black with the title of the novel in white or another bright, eye-catching color. You MUST use an ornate gothic-style font for your title, and you MUST have a feather-edged photograph in the background. Your choices for a photograph are limited to the following: Fire, smoke, A tight shot of a woman’s eye, a woman in a tank top, or a silhouette of a creepy looking tree.
And there you have it! You now have the keys to success. Now go out there and put your new found knowledge to work! (Just be sure to cut me a check when you make it big ok?)
Sounds as though someone doesn’t appreciate the masterpieces of literature that constitute the Twilight saga.
I don’t know….Twilight had 4 parts.
Shouldn’t step one actually be step three? Hell, who needs step one at all.
Now then, now then, who’s a bit peaved about twilight then?
Can’t say I blame you. To be fair, it’s just a fad. I mean, a few years ago, it was ‘obbits…
This depressed me a little because of close to true it is…